glittttttter

You shot right through me.

but I bled glitter and stars.

✫✬✩✭✯✳

Time passes far too quickly for my liking. A year ago feels like just yesterday; so near I feel I could grab onto the last threads of the memories and pull them back close. 

Ha. 

I'd happily let those memories float away though. If I could bleach them out I would, like dirt stains on an otherwise beautiful tapestry of moments.

✂

I want to write more. I want to write a book.

It's been six months.
Part of me hates him.
Part of me never wants to see him again.
But part of me knows that's only because I'd fall right back in love,
and I'd hate myself if I let that happen.

Someone who would violate my integrity like that, without me even knowing. Having to find out on my own months later, I can't be ok with that.

But I do miss him.

Geography class.

My best friend.

Your mind is a chart I've Painstakingly memorized
[Pain]stakingly. To have seen your Pain through it all.
I know the jealous twists,
the careful, caring corners,
and the humorous hums and whirs,
of your electric engine.

Your face is a map I've Lovingly studied.
(Love)ingly. To look into your Lovely eyes.
I know of the silly freckle gracing your waterline,
The left eye.
It tends to close more in photos than the right one.
The room-lighting smile,
teeth perfectly crook'd.
The delightfully dorky, faces you send my way,
the goofy grimaces I'll always return.

My best, best friend.

Answers?

Eyes tell one story.
Words another - sometimes nothing at all.
Arms a different story,
body one more.
What am I?
Beautiful...
or okay?
Amazing...
or okay?
Wonderful...
or okay?
Do you care much...
or as much as you would for anyone with a heartbeat?
Do you like my smile....
Do you like making me smile?



Questions, Question, Questions....
Answers?

how time passes.

Looking back on when you and I had first started dating, all that time ago.
We crossed the intersection hand in hand, headed home.
I remember it distinctly, my mother's friend rode by on her bike, waved a hand.
She called my mum after to tell her "I saw your daughter holding hands with a man!!"
We laughed that she thought you were a man. You with your beard and your height. Me with my incessant smiling.

Five months later and I'd lost my smiles, you'd shaved your beard. We walked away in separate directions.
The end.



But it wasn't.
Yesterday, we crossed the same intersection. Our hands in our own pockets, your beard still gone, but both of us smiling nonetheless. It was surreal, to walk that same intersection again. More accurately - the entire coffee date was surreal. But I wouldn't trade the experience for the world.


ps. Some exes can be friends. Fact.

Music on full,
blasting till they shake with the bass,
replaces it all with a strong brave face.

my apologies.

Bone and skin.

Thick Stick Thin.

Hips are the handles and

knees are the knobs.

Ribs are the cage,

Cheek bones gauge

how much I weigh.

Eyes turn grey...

My apologies.

*not based on a personal reality*